writing to know, knowing thru being, being for writing... this is me, writing about the one thing i know, which is myself... and even that is sometimes a mystery...

Monday, August 29, 2005

adolescence is the real bitch


so sorry to everyone who visits this silly ol' blog of mine for poetry and literature. i promise to return to my usual posting style soon. because its gradual sinking into open diary-ness has been really depressing to observe.

but, i have stuff to talk about. so, please forgive the brief relapse and then we'll be returning to the regular programming...

so, i was called a bitch for the first time in my life yesterday. quite the experience. i like to think of myself as a nice person. i'm generally pleasant to be around, but then, i am obviously biased, so really i can't say this for sure.

but i feel that most people find me agreeable. and not that i believe everyone should like me. that's not it at all. in fact, i would be seriously weirded out if everyone liked me and i had no enemies. but i had never thought that my enemies would make themselves so blatantly obvious to me.

anyway, i went to a community life council meeting yesterday night. i had this idea to run for office. i like western. i like the community. i think i would be a qualified officer. anyway, the person in charge (a cla, aka ra to main campus people) asked me what i wanted to run for. i told her i wanted to run for secretary. she just gives me a cold hard stare and calls me a bitch. just like that. in front of the whole community, too. (i guess she was the secretary and didn't want to lose her job...)

and what bothers me most is that no one came to my defense or called her out on it. now that i think about it, i wish i had stood up to her and done it myself. because community is about mutual respect for your fellow community members. not petty name-calling and embarassing a fellow human being because they unwittingly challenged your position.

(oh, so after she called me a bitch i just kinda said that i didn't know she was secretary already and that she wanted to keep her job. and she said that if i wanted the position, i would have to fight her for it. and i said ok, then i will.)

yeah, i've been picked on before. and i've had to deal with catty girls all through my childhood. i've had groups of preppy pretty girls gang up on me because i was scrawny and not that strikingly gorgeous. but none of that really bothered me before.

the way i figure, everyone goes through trials and tribulations as an awkward adolescent growing up in image-conscious america. everyone has their problems, their silly rivalries and difficulties fitting in with different crowds. this is just the average adolescent experience.

in fact, i'm grateful for my earlier self-esteem and body image issues. i'm happy i was picked on occasionally as a kid. i had it lucky. i went to school in a ghetto and made it out with only a few things stolen from my backpack during gym, or only having a few things thrown at me, and only a few scathing remarks directed my way. i am lucky. i know people who grew up in the ghettoes and who couldn't leave their homes after a certain time of day, who would be accosted by drug dealers on the street or who would live in fear of being raped on their way home from school.

i am lucky.

even with all the problems i had as a child, i never once became someone i didn't want to be. i stayed true to my beliefs. and though childhood memories can be painful to remember, i also know that the stuff i went through helped make me into the strong, independent woman i am. though i may have wished i were prettier or more popular as a child, i now am secure enough with myself, and happy with myself, and will never compromise my true character to suit someone else.

you can't please everyone. and i won't try to. so people can hate me or love me or maybe they couldn't care less, but i don't really care either. i mean, i am happy to know that i can light a room up for some people, and maybe make others miserable, but it doesn't matter, because i am not going to change the person i am just to make things easier for myself or for others.

and so, if this haughty sitting secretary thinks she can call me a bitch and intimidate me out of running, she better have a backup plan. because if anything, she's just geared me up for the fight...


  • At 8:58 PM, August 29, 2005, Blogger The ZenFo Pro said…

    Good way of dealing with a bully, chica! I learned a long time ago that if you don't stand up for yourself and your beliefs, no one else will.

    Hell, we all had self-esteem issues as kids. I got picked on a bit as well. Since then, I've grown to accept who I am and who I one day want to be.

    Anyway, good luck with the election. Give em hell!


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  • At 9:50 PM, August 29, 2005, Blogger 'Thought & Humor' said…

    We work like a horse.
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  • At 10:05 PM, September 08, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    i love you :) i don't even have to tell you that SHE'S the bitch and not you, because you know that. you could have told me about this before, though :( i hope it's not bothering you, and that you are campaigning to win the office that is rightfully yours!


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