writing to know, knowing thru being, being for writing... this is me, writing about the one thing i know, which is myself... and even that is sometimes a mystery...

Saturday, December 31, 2005


i'm feeling rather nostalgic and romantic today, on account of the fact that i finally looked up the lyrics to the traditional new year's song, "auld lang syne" and found them to actually be quite sad:

"Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never thought upon,
The flames of love extinguished,
And freely past and gone?
Is thy kind heart now grown so cold
In that loving breast of thine,
That thou canst never once reflect
On old-long-syne?" - more here // complete original lyrics with translation here

the history and linguistic structure of the song is interesting to consider as well, and it baffles me that it never occured to me before, but robert burns's original song is written entirely in scottish dialect, and exists as a collage of various other poems, including a sermon and two political ballads, which has interesting political implications which we normally don't think to consider when we're sipping wine and awaiting the countdown. but the year's not over yet. won't you consider it now:

history of the song
dissection of the song
original jacobite version

so, in the spirit of the coming new year, and in the scottish tradition, i would like to offer the readership gifts of song and good tidings:

mp3: auld lang syne performed by wild mountain thyme on their album there can only be one can be found here.

may you spend the evening with those you love, and never fail to remember those you've lost and loved.

i'm off to a string of house parties with friends and family for the night. where i'll be, & in whose company i will be when the new year springs forth, we'll just have to wait & see.

see you in 06!

Thursday, December 29, 2005

the trouble with imMEDIAcy

was thinking about the immediacy of communication and the negotiation of the past in the modern day and its mediated confines.

as in, i think it's interesting that we retain a residual sense of what long distance communication should be like, and its intrinsic sense of retrospection and romanticism, and what this does to the resulting complication between the present, future and recent past, and our experience of a romanticized sense of past (notice how the past is becoming more recent, best sensed in the speed of adaptation of recently penned novels, read: harry potter(s), the da vinci code. where once books took decades to be made into films, now you can expect any best-selling book to be made into a blockbuster, before many get the chance to even read it first, they are watching it on the screen. more interesting, more books than ever are being made into films, which makes me wonder if there is something strangely amiss about our society, in that there's no sense of urgency in reading but rather to produce yet more cultural products to be consumed, and with greater and speedier ease. as in, books become movies. immediacy at work.)

i wonder this because my friend from school and i have been emailing back and forth a lot lately and it reminds me of prior email relationships i have had and the meaning of these and how they translate to "real life" and the relationships we engage in in the flesh, and how these have become separated, so that i am two selves, neither whole.

anyway, in reading these emails, it's interesting to see how our dialogue reflects a romanticized sense of communication, as if these back and forths are hand-written letters distilled into a machine to be wired thru a screen.

there's an implied distance in this kind of exchange, which makes me think that perhaps, these relationships where i have become so dependent on the machines in between, have removed myself from my body, have placed computer chips and microsoft between the organic and real, are artifice.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

the waking life

sick and ache-y, head is hurting and my body is splitting down the sides.

i was tossing and turning in my sleep last night, i just couldn't find the right place for my head or legs or arms underneath the sheets of my bed.

been having lots of really intense dreams (see prior post), partly due to my feverish state of body & mind, partly due to my long hiatus from intense and constant activity, and lastly due to the simplicity of sleep debt and the difficulty of waking in the morning.

so pardon me if my dreams are not of any interest to the readership, but i have been having a lot of them lately. and they have been strangely vivid and tangible enuf to produce a residual surreality on my waking life.

so i resume my writing/righting with a series of dreams:

12.26.05 - i had an intense dream a/b daydreaming. // i dreamt that somehow i'd fallen off the edge of something (i think someone shot me in the back) and i was floating face down in the water, clutching some book. // i wish i remembered which one. // and i was semi-conscious/awake when i began wondering if it was a bad thing that i had died in a dream, even if it was a daydream w/in a dream and the magic of it was diluted somewhat by all the layers b/w it and the waking life. // and i could see myself in the waving seagrasses and upward charming bubbles. // and there was more but it's been lost to the night and stars ***.

12.28.05 - i daydreamed that i stood on the brink of inheriting a dynasty, a fortune. / & i blew it all away to the wind / & sailed on my feet on the dollars and bills that were flying in the sky / & used the assets like building blocks / & set them up like stairs to the stars / & i climbed on these material imagineds / to a realm of ceaseless immateriality / & peered down on my fortune and screed my future / from between wisps of cloud / & shafts of energized sunlight

listening to the avalanches' "frontier psychiatrist" from since i left you, one of the more interesting albums i managed to pick up this year. can't say i am a huge fan of the rest of the album per se, tho the layers of sound are an interesting soundscape to visit occasionally.

one of my favorite sections, towards the end:

can you can you think of anything that talks? other other than a person? //uh uh uh uh uh (1.5 second pause) a bird? yeah. (parrot squawking)

serendipitously enuf, this particular song provided a great background for all my dreamy freudian posting:

that boy needs therapy/ purely psychosomatic /lie down on the couch/ what does that mean?/ you're a nut!/ you're crazy in the coconut!

hmm... perhaps.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

partee pix(els) pt. 3

mm hm yea
we like to party

some pix of us getting our groove on the only way we know how to g(r)oof

partee pix(els) pt. 2

and some more...

partee pix(els)

here are some sweet pictures from my birthday party my friend ashley (in the tie) sent to me in the mail today.

was fun!

some writing will be posting soon, i promise. i am long overdue!

more to come!

Monday, December 26, 2005

it's a giant among cliche's

it's my birthday today.
my 20th birthday.
i let mr. andrew bird sing me awake:

"...sing me Happy Birthday / sing it like it's going to be your last day / like its hallelujah / don't just let it pass on through ya / it's a giant among cliches / and that's why I want you to sing it anyway..."

here's to hoping this next decade exceeds the last,

Friday, December 23, 2005

happy holidays from ogbuefi stephi!

tomorrow is chri$tma$, and oddly, i have no sense of the impending holiday in my being at all.
i feel as if i've fallen into some surreal oil and vinegar funk, and i've lost all touch with time and environment. everything around me reminds me of it, yet i can't seem to grasp it in my mind long enough to make anything of it.

regardless, i'd like to extend my sincerest wishes for a magical holiday season, and a reminder that it's not about the things we buy but the company we keep.

so, HAPPY HOLIDAYS to the readership!
may yr days and nights be merry and bright!

love and peace,
ogbuefi stephi

Sunday, December 18, 2005

lucid reverie(s)

i had the most intense dream last night.
a friend asked me to go to a concert and when i said i couldn't go my friend dematerialized and i was suddenly on a hill in rumpke towering over the surrounding city and all i could see was the candy store i never went to as a kid.
and his friend was there with faceless people i didn't recognize and they were telling me how fun it would be and i was a fool not to go (i know i know) and they wanted to eat steak and milkshakes and they were all mad at me but i couldn't figure out why.
then i broke into some abandoned warehouse or supermarket (to get them steaks i think) and i suddenly realized i had walked into the midst of another break-in, and there were masked robbers holding old ladies and children at gunpoint and i didn't know what to do. i thot it absurd that of all the times i decided to go to buy groceries, the one time i needed to be quick i was in a hold-up. so i tried slowly turning around to ease my way out the door, so i could get away, but they saw me anyway and they dragged me in with the others and trapped us in some large cage made from cardboard.
somehow between this and the next thing all the other prisoners died or disappeared, and i could still see my friend's friends outside and i kept thinking about how i was disappointing them, but i was stuck inside this giant cage and there were people outside who wanted to kill me, and i could see my captors through the bars and they were sifting through the ice room, the walk-in fridge where all the meats would be.
and somehow i slid through the bars without them seeing and managed to hide behind stacks of drinks and bulk foods and they were now hunting for me. i don't remember the details any more, but i remember engaging in some sort of grocery store warfare, with a pellet gun of some kind and i remember bleeding from ice shards that had been thrown at me.
and the war continued into the basement of this building, which was a fantastic maze. and it was a race against them and time as i was running everywhere trying to find a way out. and all i remember now is the stone staircase that continued in decreasing spirals so by the time i was at the bottom i was small and practically at the core of the earth. and i was digging i think and it was frantic i seriously thot i would die if they found me.
and suddenly i ran to a window and it couldn't have been wider than a foot but somehow i fit thru it anyway and i ran outside and it was light now and my friends had gone to the concert and they told me i had missed a really good time.

in other news:
my brother's changed a lot since i last came home and it makes me sad because he's become an unfamiliar adolescent boy and he's using all this aftershave and cologne and stuff and i can smell it everywhere, it just saturates everything.
it makes me think of the one time i was in my friend dylan's room, he's a CLA, and we were watching a movie and a group of his freshman residents were standing outside the door talking and spraying axe bodyspray and it was coming in thru the door and dylan had to yell at them to stop it because it was smelling so bad.
so my dad (funny guy that he is) told my brother not to use so much because some people might get "offended."
i thot that was just about the most hilarious thing i've heard my father say in a while.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

the closest i've ever gotten to flying

i was invited to join a compilation blog, over at the trollpotty reader.

check out my trollpotty inaugural post of a repost of a prior readership favorite.

and an update:
since the first posting of that particular poem, i have written additional fragments and complements, turning the originally 2+ minute piece into a 10 minute choreopoem in 3 parts, which i set to music and performed for my women & theatre final.
the poem is now a chapbook of sorts and i'm working on obtaining video and audio footage for the site. look for it in the future.

and if these words/values/feelings can serve as quantifiers/qualifiers/markers/measures of success, here they are...

what the critics are saying:
"splendid job"
"excellent footwork!"
"your classical ballet training really shows" (haha, i fooled them. i've never taken a day's worth of dance class in my life!)
"you have a remarkable stage presence. I hope that you will consider auditioning for parts in the Spring semester."
"great job aligning movement with sound"
"powerfully moving"

and my personal thoughts:
i was sore for one and a half days, which should speak to the intensity of the performance, as i am actually quite fit and exercise frequently.
i was pleasantly surprised by my ability to let go of all my fears and inhibitions for this one moment, disregarding the feeling of all those eyes on me to retreat into myself and the capabilities of my body and channel the energy beams to use the corporeal to express the depths bubbling beneath and within. the spontaneity of the immediate action and the flight and the fear and the power all at once surging in my stomach and mind were a high i have never experienced but crave and desire constantly.
i felt invincible and vulnerable all at once.

i do believe this performance was the closest i've ever gotten to flying.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005


as of one o'clock today i am officially DONE with fall semester finals!

it's such a good feeling, i'm doing cartwheels and somersaults up and down the halls!

...and attempting to fly!!


Sunday, December 11, 2005

finals week fun

it's that time of year again

spacing out in front of my computer while i try to churn up the energy and motivation to write inspired meaningless drivel for my classes

usually i am quite gifted in the area of spontaneous eloquence

but sadly the profundity of snow and the abundance of distractions in my room and otherwise are making the finals process a difficult one

my goal: finish studying and writing papers by wednesday so i can party and, as pathetic as this may seem, clean the room for the break

laundry is piling up like the cluttered thoughts in back of mynd

birthday party on thursday night

so excited

only... 15(!) days left to be a nominally reckless teenager

best make a go of it, yeah?

list of reckless things to do:
tip over a porta potty
try weed brownies
get totally smashed
skinny dipping
breaking all my work rules
go wilding

basically, it's going to be the most-uncharacteristic-of-me-party. should be fun!

happy finals week all!

Saturday, December 03, 2005

avocado couch solo dj'ing

because of the architecture final bitch ass projects my friend and roommate brittany has had to suffer thru in the past weeks, she could not find the two hours to come co-host our lovely feel-good, good-time radio show, the avocado couch...
so i did it alone!

here's what went down and in and around and what you would have heard, what was on the air:
1 - "carry on my wayward son" / kansas
2 - "hey now now" / the cloud room / s-t
3 - "did i tell you?" / the spinto band / nice and nicely done
4 - "i'm bruce" / fantastic plastic machine
5 - "leaf house" / animal collective / sung tongs
6 - "mardy bum" / arctic monkeys / beneath the boardwalk
7 - "oh mandy" / spinto band / nice...
8 - "hellodrama" / what made milwaukee famous / trying to never catch up
9 - "making love in the sunshine" / maxi geil & playcolt / that's how the story goes
10 - "grass" / animal collective / feels
11 - "blue bird" / the rosebuds / birds make good neighbors
12 - "i turn my camera on" / spoon / gimme fiction
13 - "walk on the moon" / asobi seksu / s-t
~ (music bed: cartoon and movie sound effects - animal noises) ~
14 - "the idea of growing old" / the features / exhibit a
15 - "venus" / air / talkie walkie
16 - "weekends away" / mah & physics club / ep
17 - "multiply" / jamie lidell / multiply
18 - "no time flat" / kevin devine / split the country, split the streets
19 - "house fire" / someone still loves you boris yeltsin / broom
20 - "indoor fireworks (elvis costello cover)" / laura cantrell
21 - "marmalade maggie" / the merediths / a closed universe
22 - "joshua and prof. faulkner" / taKKa taKKa
23 - "dee, oh dee" / clap yr hands say yeah! / demo
24 - "no lies, just love" / bright eyes
**dramatic reading**
25 - "quit +/or fight" / holopaw

Thursday, December 01, 2005

andrew bird!

i went to the andrew bird concert at the southgate house a couple weeks ago and let me tell you:

i am in love.

who woulda thot that love feels kinda like... a nervous tic motion of the head? hmmm?

or that this is what love sounds like. (mp3 hosted by bird's website)

here's some pictures of the amazing artist known as Mr. Andrew Bird. they barely begin to describe the rapturous energy of his performance (which, by the way, was even more spectacular and awe-inspiring than sufjan stevens' performance, which set a pretty high standard, i must say.)

suffice it to say that if mr. bird ever comes to yr town, you best make plans to go see him. walk/run/bike/hitchike/fly/tarzan in on vines to get there if you have to.

o believe me, you won't regret it for a second.

more later, when i can devote more time to a decent review...