writing to know, knowing thru being, being for writing... this is me, writing about the one thing i know, which is myself... and even that is sometimes a mystery...

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

the waking life

sick and ache-y, head is hurting and my body is splitting down the sides.

i was tossing and turning in my sleep last night, i just couldn't find the right place for my head or legs or arms underneath the sheets of my bed.

been having lots of really intense dreams (see prior post), partly due to my feverish state of body & mind, partly due to my long hiatus from intense and constant activity, and lastly due to the simplicity of sleep debt and the difficulty of waking in the morning.

so pardon me if my dreams are not of any interest to the readership, but i have been having a lot of them lately. and they have been strangely vivid and tangible enuf to produce a residual surreality on my waking life.

so i resume my writing/righting with a series of dreams:

12.26.05 - i had an intense dream a/b daydreaming. // i dreamt that somehow i'd fallen off the edge of something (i think someone shot me in the back) and i was floating face down in the water, clutching some book. // i wish i remembered which one. // and i was semi-conscious/awake when i began wondering if it was a bad thing that i had died in a dream, even if it was a daydream w/in a dream and the magic of it was diluted somewhat by all the layers b/w it and the waking life. // and i could see myself in the waving seagrasses and upward charming bubbles. // and there was more but it's been lost to the night and stars ***.

12.28.05 - i daydreamed that i stood on the brink of inheriting a dynasty, a fortune. / & i blew it all away to the wind / & sailed on my feet on the dollars and bills that were flying in the sky / & used the assets like building blocks / & set them up like stairs to the stars / & i climbed on these material imagineds / to a realm of ceaseless immateriality / & peered down on my fortune and screed my future / from between wisps of cloud / & shafts of energized sunlight

listening to the avalanches' "frontier psychiatrist" from since i left you, one of the more interesting albums i managed to pick up this year. can't say i am a huge fan of the rest of the album per se, tho the layers of sound are an interesting soundscape to visit occasionally.

one of my favorite sections, towards the end:

can you can you think of anything that talks? other other than a person? //uh uh uh uh uh (1.5 second pause) a bird? yeah. (parrot squawking)

serendipitously enuf, this particular song provided a great background for all my dreamy freudian posting:

that boy needs therapy/ purely psychosomatic /lie down on the couch/ what does that mean?/ you're a nut!/ you're crazy in the coconut!

hmm... perhaps.


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