blOgbuefi

writing to know, knowing thru being, being for writing... this is me, writing about the one thing i know, which is myself... and even that is sometimes a mystery...

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

vagina monologues

so i haven't posted in a long time.

and it's because i've been busy.

reeeal busy.

for one thing, i've added some classes which means:
1) lots of catching up to do;
2) a total of 20 credit hours and two jobs and way too many activities;
3) STRESS in the boatloads.

but it's ok. because i'm enjoying it all immensely, surprisingly enough.

AND, i've decided to audition for the vagina monologues this friday/saturday. my professor for fem theatre last semester asked me to try out, and after reading over the script (which is not too unfamiliar or different from some performances and writing i did for that class last semester), i decided it would be a fun thing to do.

and so empowering and freeing.

despite outward appearances, i'm really quite the introvert (really i am!) and i'm incredibly self-conscious, never quite comfortable in my own skin, always afraid to speak up in public and get up in front of a crowd. i get nervous and anxious, i shake and sweat and feel sick to my stomach. while others get butterflies, i get flocks of pigeons, big awkward flapping pigeons, in MY stomach.

but i'm going to audition anyway.

and if i get a part, i'm going to perform anyway. despite all the work and all the obligations and the fears and trepidations and otherwise, i will do it.

and the one i want to do, the one i MOST want to perform, the one that somehow moved me most, yes, the one i can most see myself doing, is this one:

"because he liked to look at it" (performed by eve ensler, the writer and original performer, mp3 hosted by salon.com)

i can also see myself doing "my angry vagina," but i think it would be a more facetious and comic performance, an easier one to do.

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