blOgbuefi

writing to know, knowing thru being, being for writing... this is me, writing about the one thing i know, which is myself... and even that is sometimes a mystery...

Monday, May 15, 2006

feeling city

there are little birds nesting outside my window and their birdy baby chirp-chirpings are making me sad for home

living in a bustling city can be so lonesome tho you are constantly surrounded by people

i am sharing an apartment with two other people grad students at northwestern university both males whom i have never met and tho i like the sound of their voices on the phone i suspect i will be very alone and lonely this summer and dread moving in and away tho home can be a lonely place as well

it seems i am always alone

i imagine sunning in the park before the coming evening dusk steals away the safety of the day and forces my retreat into the confines of a sacred summer space and the summer spent in libraries and coffee shops trying to steal wireless internet for my work and stealing glances at strangers i will never kno sitting quietly reading on the train into town and wondering when i will bump into someone i knew from home

reading invisible cities by italo calvino and enjoying it immensely using calvino's vision as an idea for a film and a focus on the city of chicago as a living document filled with signs and structures the buildings and landscape like the writing on a page and the people its units and their relationships its meaning

"your gaze scans the streets as if they were written pages: the city says everything you must think, makes you repeat her discourse, and while you believe you are visiting [the city] you are only recording the names with which she defines herself and all her parts" (calvino, from "cities and signs 1")

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