writing to know, knowing thru being, being for writing... this is me, writing about the one thing i know, which is myself... and even that is sometimes a mystery...

Saturday, July 15, 2006

brief thoughts on the go

hi hey hello and all the other combinations and permutations of salutations

i've got guests this weekend, so before i'm consumed with the various duties involved in hostessing, i thought i would do a post!


first off, i just awoke from a horrible dream. i was in my ex's apartment, just hanging out for some reason. in the dream, i told myself it was because i didn't want to be bothered or talk to anyone (i guess i was working...?) so i was hanging out there because i knew it was as good a place as any. certainly no one would talk to me there...

so i was hanging out... and i remember that his apartment had expanded, and there was this weird passageway... like a drawing/sitting room between his living room and bedroom, and i was sitting in there looking at this huge wooden china cabinet with large steel rivets, a lofty antique, and i was either drawing or describing the jars and vases inside.

and my ex and his new girlfriend walked by, she was wearing this bright red shirt and he was wearing a white polo and khakis and i remember thinking how odd he looked, his hair trimmed and slightly curled behind his ears, his face clean-shaven, and i thought to myself, 'he must love her, he never cleaned-up for me...'

and they just kinda glanced at me, laughing a bit at my pathetic-ness, holding hands as they walked past me to the bedroom. and i just looked at them and kept on doing whatever it was i was doing. and then i could hear them in the next room, because they had purposefully not closed the door.

the rest of the dream, it was me sitting in the same room, attending to the same task, and them finding various other ways of taunting me and flaunting themselves. (now that i think about it, what a strange dream! i don't think i've ever had a dream where i'm not the one doing the main action, or where i'm not the one whose emotions or senses are not the main focus. and in this dream, the ex and girlfriend were clearly the focus... huh)

and i remember one part in particular, because it was the moment which stirred me awake: my ex and his girlfriend had finished in the bedroom and were now heading out, so they exited by way of the room i was occupying. i was still busy being busy, and they came in, his gf glancing down at me, kinda whispering to my ex, 'why does she have to be here?' and my ex making this critical face in mocking me, and then he stopped right in front of me.

i looked up at him and said, "excuse me, i'm busy." he was looking at these pictures on the coffee table next to the leather chair i was in (the apartment of the dream is nothing like my ex's austere "real" apartment. this apt was something of a pier one novelty...) these were pictures of me when i was little, like when i was in elementary school (when i thought i was so much cuter...) and they were in these weird metal and wood frames, to match the china cabinet.

and he picked them up and was looking at them. and i just sat there, incredibly uncomfortable. and he says something like 'are you taking these back now that we're not together?' ...or 'these were left here from when we were together' ...or 'you gave me these at a different time' ...or 'you can take these with you now, i don't need them any more' ...something crystally cruel like that.

and then they left, and i was alone in his apartment. and really upset.

i went to the bathroom, and then i left.


got some fantastic spam this morning! check it out!
aesthete compensatory celebrate
prevention swamibusiness dystrophy rid
squatter bufflehead <--- my favorite #1
czechoslovakiapetalportrait <--- my favorite #2
truncate methionine
sellout associate
fairyheat hotelman array
hookworm toroid
i think that ever since i did that spam poetry post, i've been getting more of it. how lovely! am i too trusting to believe that spammers might be researching their victims and that this latest flood of spam to my mailbox is an attempt on their part to appease me?

or... is it because, in the search for good spam, i've fallen to opening every one i get, even the "married women need love too... watch them get naked and..." ones.

o funny turn of events!!

enjoy your weekends!! get some sleep for me!


  • At 1:17 AM, July 16, 2006, Anonymous remaerdyaD said…

    Dream analysis? Gezuz i h8 psychology! Always something to do with freud's mother and things that are latent.

    Mind-spamming here... seriously. I got nothing. You seem the victim in another driveby love crime.

    This will not post. But I am bored and nobody is chatting or buddies messanging... sigh.

    Can you believe that there are about as many folks on the recent Yahoo-Microsoft amalgumated IM network as there are ppl in Usa?

    I do not udnerstand that spam poetry thing - not having email means not really knowing spam so intimately. I will scroll and read the blog post again. The link to dadadodo looked interesting.

    Anyways. If this is up long enough before exercising the DEL SPAM function, check out the link. I put together linkages to mein videos in the "Your web page" dialogue box for this comment - just to be fair to your utube (I believe you click on my name - sorry, this is maybe my second time commenting on any of these blogs). And for whomever else in the ether I guess too...


  • At 6:57 AM, July 17, 2006, Blogger Ray "Raedien" Devine said…

    Just read your last two posts.
    I just wanted to say that I think you are NOT bad at "people." In fact, I think you handled that entire deal very well, at least on the outside. I, and many others, were impressed quite frankly.

    I had no idea he did that to you, it's not my fault, but I'm sorry anyway.

  • At 12:17 PM, July 20, 2006, Blogger Ogbuefi Stephi said…

    thanks ray.

    i'm sorry too.

    i'll see you soon. :-)


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