writing to know, knowing thru being, being for writing... this is me, writing about the one thing i know, which is myself... and even that is sometimes a mystery...

Saturday, September 16, 2006

bright shiny lights

soundtrack. (patrick watson, thank you for providing the sounds to mope to)

sitting on the rooftop of my building today, i started crying.

for no reason i'm aware of, except for this overwhelming sadness that's been welling up inside me for months now.

i am deeply sad and i cannot find a way to remedy it.

but to sit and mope, alone on the roof, away from the world, watching the sun dip into the western sky and wondering what the new day will bring.

the bricks in my wall are embedded with the names and letters of people who used to live here. i wonder what they are doing now. i wonder if the sun sets on them in much the same way. i wonder if i absorb their sadness so they don't have to.

when there's no one around and there's pause enough to look around, the world seems to me such a peacefully sad place. time slows to a pace that opens up just enough for me to fit between its crevices, and there i sit with my thoughts, my pasts and presents, the shivery tremblings of an emptiness erupting.


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